Thank-you Macarons

In the aftermath of giving birth to my beautiful, perfect and amazing identical twin daughters. I had surmounting issues with constipation, bloating, gas and weight gain. But mostly I was struggling with getting sick constantly. The common cold was plaguing me a couple weeks after it had left me. I wasn’t getting truly better, ever. Anytime I was around anyone under the weather I would catch whatever they had. I tried propolis spray, vitamin C, supplements. My vegetarian self even started eating meat. I wasn’t getting more than a couple hours of sleep in the interim of feeding two newborn babies. However, I felt exhausted all the time beyond what I would say was normal for postpartum. So I eventually ended up at the doctor explaining my symptoms. They tested my blood, gave me allergy tests. The full run around. And found nothing. If I wasn’t such a determined little bitch I would have just accepted that as my new normal. But, well, fuck that. I was an avid reader and determined to scour the earth, I mean the internet. I knew I could find a solution. I found a blog that discussed colonoscopies and endoscopies and my doctor said I was on the younger side but agreed to it. And lo and behold Eureka. There’s something truly gratifying to finally know what is wrong with you. So my initial reaction to finding out I had an autoimmune disorder. Which is when your body attacks your healthy cells. Specifically celiac disease so when I eat a protein called gluten. The devil incarnate. My body attacks me and lowers my immune system and I get vulnerable to diseases. Hence, why I was getting sick all the time. And the solution is relatively simple. Or so I thought at first. Do not under any circumstances eat gluten. Just don’t do it. Ever. Never. In any way shape or form. So for the first year I went all in meticulously gung-ho into a gluten free lifestyle. And yes I made a ton of mistakes. Like with malt and soy sauce etc. Now I bring my own soy sauce with me to sushi restaurants. My point is I was so enthralled at having found the solution to my problem I didn’t have the time to process the reality of my situation. I would never be able to dine out again. Not really. With cross-contamination I was cursed to cook in my own kitchen forever and deprived of the very human love of trying new food in a cheek moonlit atmosphere. I would never visit Italy and slurp giant fettuccine noodle into my mouth. So a kind of FOMO depression wave hit me. I felt like I was dying or falling into an endless abyss. It was very lonely. I searched far and wide for a tasty bread. I finally found one in Scharr and they sold it at my local Albertsons thank goodness. Costco makes a great one now too. But that’s where I get to the title of this story. Roaming the aisles of said Costco around New Years I came across these French Macarons. I had previously tried Macarons before and I had never been very impressed. The fancy and ridiculously expensive ones they sell at Whole Foods tasted cold and were hard to bite into. Even fancy ones I had bought at local bakeries weren’t anything to rave about. But these ones had a “gluten free” label in large and legible view. And I would try anything gluten free at least once. I got home and I chose the green pistachio one first. I bit into it this round green cookie. The almond flour popped up into my mouth with a crisp satisfying sound and melted into an explosion of succulent flavors. My mouth watered as I shoved the rest of it in. It was as if I had been punched. A wave of pent up emotions just bursted out of me. How hard this journey had been to give up everything I had loved my whole life. Pizza, fettuccini Alfredo, Cheesecake Factory, pumpkin spice lattes. It was the first time I had eaten any sugar in months. I wasn’t a of ice cream and most desserts contain gluten. It was like it gave me a piece of my soul back. I could relive my childhood again. I was nostalgic for another time when I didn’t have to ask a million questions about the food I was consuming. There was no guilt in the sweet embrace of egg whites, almond flour, powdered sugar, granulated sugar, and food coloring. My life was complete. I had macarons now but only in the winter seasons. Thanks for reading. Ciao.